I Don't Know My Birth Parents And I Probably Never Will

Today I watched a 3-minute video that has had me in deep thoughts ever since I watched it early this morning. It is about a family who travels to China to adopt a little boy. The video captures the day that they get to meet him and take him away to live with them. In an instant, their life has changed forever and so has the little boys. The video is by The Stauffer family and you can watch it here (have tissues as it's extremely emotional). 

I have never really known what the adoption process is like all I have known is what I have been told. So seeing this video made everything real because this is what my parents would have gone through when they adopted me back in 1996. It would have been different but similar at the same time. 

If you have followed me for a while then you will know that I was adopted when I was 10 months old from China myself. I was adopted from a place called Nanchang which is in the province of Jiangxi which is South of Bejing. I've always known that I was adopted because my parents have always been open about it. On the other hand, all my family are English so I would have definitely worked it out otherwise. 

Last November I opened my adoption papers on camera which included various papers such as my Chinese passport, adoption papers and medical papers. It also included this one document which explained how I became an orphan in the first place. It's the document shown above which says that I was found "at the gate of Check Office at the head of Ganjiang Bridge on May 30th, 1996". I was two days old as my birthday is May 28th 1996.  The last bit says "We can't find her natural parents or any of her relatives up to now". 

I was born in 1996 which is during China's one-child policy. If you aren't sure what this is then I'll give you a quick explanation. China's population was getting too big which is why they introduced this policy. Couples were only allowed to have one child and had to apply if they wanted another one before even trying for one. During that time China valued boys because they could become strong and could go out and work to earn money. 

If a couple had a girl then the chances are that they would either homeless, in an orphanage or even killed in some circumstances. A number of orphanages were full of girls. This left China with an unbalanced population which has carried on today as it's thought that the number of men that outweigh women is around 60 billion. 

I have no idea why I became an orphan but I am certain it has something to do with the one-child policy. However, my family could have been really poor, ill or just couldn't look after me for other reasons. For that reason, I am 100% sure that I will never be able to meet my biological family. I guess it does hurt because I will always be missing something that some people take for granted. 

I know that nowadays there are so many ways to find your family and I've seen it done many times as I'm a big fan of Long Lost Family. However, I was adopted from China where there are now over 1.379 billion people. Not to mention I was adopted from a poor area that was mainly industrial at the time. I'm 22 now and I am old enough to realise that the chances of ever finding my parents are very slim for these reasons. 

In all honesty it sucks because I would love to know my real family and to have that bond with them that everyone else has with their parents. The bond I have with my adoptive parents is just like any other but there will always be that something missing and we all know that. I would love to know who I look like more whether I have my dads eyes or my mum's smile. Unfortunately, I will never know this unless something like a miracle happens. 

I have considered doing a DNA test but I have my doubts as to how much it will give me in terms of information. Considering they did everything by paperback then I'm certain that they wouldn't have my parents DNA stored. Maybe in a Chinese database but how long would that take and how much would it cost. I've also realised that if I really wanted to know more then it would cost a lot as I'd probably have to do a lot of my research back where it all began in Nanchang. 

Although I'm always open to talking about my adoption because it's so important for me to do mentally as it helps me and I know it helps others as well. I'm not ready to begin my journey to find my parents. I probably won't ever be as it could bring a lot of pain which makes me think is it worth it? Would it be worth it to go through an incredibly emotional journey to find out what I already presume? 

It's hard not to think about something like this all the time. It's always on my mind and I'm constantly thinking about scenarios where I may meet my real family but I always know that the possibilities of that happening are pretty much non-existent.  However, I know I am a strong person because although this topic makes me sad it makes me extremely proud because I have a story to tell in the hope that it helps those who aren't strong enough to talk about it. 

For now, I just want to build my life here in London. I want to focus on my career, moving out and possibly getting married and having kids in the future. I know that I want to adopt as I have always felt that way ever since I was little. I think it's something you feel when you are adopted. 

Maybe in the future when I have my own kids I may want to start this journey and I hope to bring you along too as I know I would want to document it all the good and the bad. Until then I just want to say thank you to everyone who has supported me because at times it is hard even though I may seem happy on the outside it's hard mentally sometimes but having you all there helps a lot. 

So thank you 

Check out my other adoption blog posts & videos:

Video | My Weekly Food Shop

Hey, guys so today's video is a weekly food shop. Now, most of you may be thinking what the heck Asia? I actually really enjoy watching these as I like seeing what other people eat. Is that weird? I don't know maybe it is maybe it isn't. Anyways I hope you like it as I didn't know what else to film so I thought that I would do something different. Please make sure to subscribe for more videos I try to upload videos weekly. 


*This Is My Look Of The Day

Hey, guys so today I am back with another blog post. I haven't managed to get many up over these past few weeks as I've been quite busy but also quite tired at the same time.  A few weeks ago I was approached by this online fashion website called LOTD which stands for Look Of The Day. 

Look Of The Day is a bit like New Look or H&M in the sense that their clothes are all really reasonable. They have so many different items to choose from especially Autumn & Winter clothes. I was able to pick a few items from their website to try out and write a blog post on. Seeing as we're well into Autumn now I decided to pick up some jeans and a pair of boots. 

The first item that I picked out were these jeans which are extremely ripped in my opinion. The one thing that I noticed about these jeans straight away was how soft the material is. They are made of a jean material but the material is really stretchy and soft which I like. 

They fit really well on me and because the material is stretchy they don't feel too tight at all. I know that they probably won't be good to wear during mid-November onwards as they are ripped and my legs will get cold but I feel like for now during the warmer Autumn/Winter months they are going to be a staple in my wardrobe. 

As they are black they are going to be really easy to style because I can wear them with a check shirt like I did in this look or I could wear a big thick jumper. I think as long as I carry around my trench coat with me I could get away with wearing these jeans for a few weeks before I have to switch to normal jeans without rips. 

The second item that I picked out were these gorgeous grey boots. I have a pair of black Chelsea boots from Kurt Geiger that I got last year at Christmas. I have literally worn them to death....no joke one of the boots has a rip in them so I thought it's about time I got another pair. 

Of course, I'm going to continue to wear the black ones until I can no longer wear them but it's nice to have another option to pick from. I really loved the colour of these boots as I've never really owned any grey shoes before. I find that grey is another easy colour to style and as I usually wear basic colours to work these boots will be perfect to team up with my work outfits. 

The boots are super comfy as they have a lot of cushion on the inside. I can already tell that my feet will be able to last the day in these as they aren't that high at all and they make a clip clop sound when I walk which is one thing I look for in a pair of boots. I love being able to walk down the street and hear my boots make a sound. 

I would like to say a massive thank you to the team at Look Of The Day for sending me these items as I know I will wear them for years to come. I found their website really easy to use and the layout was really simplistic which is what I like in an online fashion store. 

I'm already eyeing up one of their Halloween tops to wear on Halloween as I'll be working. If you haven't already checked out LOTD then I recommend you do because you could get a whole new Autumn/Winter wardrobe for not much money at all!

Look Of The Day Links:

Video | Morning Routine 2017 VLOG Style

Hey, guys so there is no new video today as I'm still not feeling great but I am going to upload a new video next weekend. Go and check out my previous video if you haven't already it's a morning routine for Sunday but in a vlog style. I really enjoyed filming it and I'm pleased with the outcome of the video. Please make sure to subscribe for more videos I try to upload videos weekly.