10/08/2015

Not Feeling Great

As many of you may know around two weeks ago I had a massive panic attack which meant that I had to cancel my shift at work. I usually have three or four months where I am absolutely fine then for a few months my anxiety is a high 10. Recently I've been quite stressed over a few things but I won't go into that much detail. 

Of course this week is also results day week which is also quite stressful in itself. If you suffer from panic attacks then you will know when you have a big one shortly after for a few weeks you still won't quite feel like yourself. This is definitely the case for me it's hard because although it's easy for people to say "don't think about it" it's actually quite hard. 

Once I had had that massive panic attack it took me a while to go on the same tube line that it happened on. I avoided it for a while luckily London has many other transport options that I was able to go on. In a way I had to convince myself that it would be absolutely fine if I went on the same line. For a few of the journeys I began to feel just as sick and thought to myself "I can't do this" and once you have that in your head it's hard to ignore it.

What's even worse is travelling by yourself when you are more anxious than usual because you don't have anyone with you who understands how you feel. I'm always that crazy girl who looks insane with a cold bottle of water pressed to her face and looks like shes either been sick or she's going too. I often sit on trains with a cold water bottle pressed against my cheek as well as having my eyes closed. (I must look scary or infectious haha)

The cold water bottle does help a lot especially if its ice cold because it calms me down and brings my temperature down. So for the past few weeks after the big attack I've not been feeling that great. I always find it takes me a while to get back to my normal self I may seem fine on the outside but on the inside I've always got that underlying anxiety which could arise at any time. 

I've also been super super busy these past few weeks and I've been travelling a lot which doesn't help. However I have loved blogging more and I will definitely update you guys on how I feel in a few days or so. At this moment in time I've had to cancel appointments and just focus on myself. 

Sometimes you have to throw all your eggs out your basket and focus on you just you. At the end of the day we are all only human and we do get sick, run down & not ourselves. This is why it's important to take care of yourself all the time but especially when you're not feeling great.
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